let it go

Only there i stood. nothing more to say but my eyes were the only ones speaking.

How dare you do that? madness, stillness, foolishnesses….
thoughts and feelings are those only controlled by hate and nothing that i have never felt. Why?
I cant breath now and my chest begins to hurt. why why why

Why am i being overtaking and breaking me down.
I cant see this for this is what hurts deep inside.
I have to let go.

So i pretend am cool and wear this disguise,
When at night i just want to turn off the lights,
and deep down inside…just cry.

Sometimes the letting go is the best part.

a misunderstanding

Have you ever wondered when something comes out of your mouth, how someone might interpret it?

I found myself in an argument today and half way through it I realized that we were both saying the exact same thing! Webster defines “misunderstanding” as -“a failure to understand or interpret correctly. A disagreement or argument.” dido.

How many times have you wondered, what if I could take it back? What if people just understood me? why do i have to explain myself? What is everyone’s problem!?

Lately this has been my mood

Just Me

melittle.jpgI was born on the Island of Cuba on November 17, 1983. Fulled by the dream of providing more for his children, my father set out on the conquest to bring us here to the US. The place I now call home. Comforted by the dream of a better life, I arrived in Key West Florida on April 4th, 1995.

Cuba with its humble campos and the fresh breeze of the Malecon, will never be what it once was to me. A place I once called home has now been replaced with towering buildings, loud streets, and a capitalist society know as “best country in the world” – la yuma

I once read a quote by a famous author named Jose Marti which over the years has always inspired me:

“Men are like the stars; some generate their own light while others reflect the brilliance they receive.” – I only hope that one day I will generate that light.

I have created this site to be my platform for my own personal evaluation, a place of ventilation from all the chaos in the world and as a log……as log to record my life journey that will untimely leave my imprint in the sands of time.

Death bed confession

I could feel the wet sponge moisten my head. The water dripped slowly down my face. The drops remind me of May 11, 1998 when I proposed to my wife. It was a hot summer day in May. The rain fell on our heads while we ran laughing, seeking shelter. “I will love you forever,” I remember saying to her. “And I will always love you,” she said. Funny, how I was here, at the end of my life, because of her. Because of her, I had lost my marriage, my daughter, and my life.

I stood here before these people at the end of my life. I pictured dying as an old man in his bed with a smile on my face. Never did i think an electric chair would be the one to end it. Funny how life can change in a minute.

“Hold still,” said Officer Dan as he tightened the belts on my legs. I started at him as he tightened them harder. I did not hurt, however, I could feel my body quiver as he tightened my left leg. A smell of barbecue entered my nostrils; the smell of human flesh burning. What would it feel like to fry and have your intestines burn to a crisp? Will I feel it? What happens if I dont die? Will I smell my own flesh burn?

“It will be over soon sir,” said Officer Dan in my ear as if he wanted no one to hear. But it was not going to be over soon. This was it. I looked at him in, “Over soon? Shut up, you will live your life after this day, I won’t.”

The curtain opened slowly and there I saw both my parents. My mother cried while my father held her by the shoulders. I told myself that everything would be okay and that this is what I deserved. Its funny how i heard myself say that.

A man started to read something, but I could not hear what he said. I though only of my wife, my crime, and my punishment. It did not matter how and/or if I did it or not, my fater was decided and there was no turning back. I wanted to be a man about, but how can I, I was dying.

“Do you have any last words Mr. Davids?” said Officer Dan.

I looked through the glass and noticed my father looking at me. I though twice about speaking. My mouth was dry and I could feel my body getting cold. I knew I had to confess….my father deserves to hear the truth. I looked him in the eye.

“Yes…yes i do…”

I remember the morning of the incident. I had just finished tying my tie when I heard my daughter: “Dad hurry up, breakfast is ready!” I splashed my cologne and came downstairs.

“Morning honey,” said my wife as she pored me a cup of coffee. “Are you ready for your meeting today”

“Not really, I dont really want to go. Bob did not finish his part of the job and he is starting to get on my nerves, I said while I sipped my cup of coffee. I had woken up in a bad mood.

The night before, my wife and I had an argument about me coming home late. I had called ahead and told her that I would be working late. “Thats what all men say when they are cheating on you,” she told me. How dare she say that to me. I have been nothing but a loyal and hard working husband.

“Dad, are you taking me to soccer practice today?” said Melinda as she picked up her backpack.

“Yes, I’ll pick you up at 5 pm”

“Coolio, I’ll see ya then.” She gave me a kiss and rushed out the door to her bus.

“Honey, are you okay? said my wife.

I tried to get over what had happened the night before, but someone it was still lingering in my head.

“Honey? Are you–”

“I’m going to the office….I’ll grab breakfast on the way there.” I grabbed my suit case and headed towards the door. I stopped and looked back but did not say anything. The words “I love you” did not come to mouth.

“Morning David,” said my neighbor as he saw e step out on my porch.

“OH hey Jack. Good morning. No work today?”

“No, Nope. I gave the guys off too” he said as he grabbed a big patch of grass. Jack had been our neighbor for about 2 years now. He had just moved recently from Chicago due to his divorce. He was know to everyone. he was what we would call the “local carpenter” He came over to everyone’s house in the neighborhood and fixed anything that needed fixing.

“How is your wife doing, I have not seen her in a couple of days

“She is good, thanks for asking” I said. “Nagging as always, you know ohw that can be.”

“Send me regards to her:

“I will thanks” I got in my car, turned on the radio, and left my driveway.

While driving I began to wonder why my wife has made such a big deal about me working later the night before. My thoughts started to wonder bt were cut shot by a man knocking on my window while at a red light.

“Spare change sir” he said as he extended his hand

“Sorry I’m all out” I said as he turned away and moved towards his next victim, the car to my right. I glanced at the couple in the car to my left. It seemed as they were arguing about something. The fighting made me question if I had been to hard on my wife. I do not know what triggered it, but I remember that I had left my presentation in my home office. I picked up my cell phone, called my job to inform them i was going to be late. I made a u-turn and headed home.

I parked my car and jumped out. i looked at my neighbors lawn and realized that his lawn was halfway mowed. To my surprise my front door was open. I wondered if I had left it open when i rushed out in the morning but could not remember. I opened the door and heard nothing. I know that my wife was home because her car was in the drive way.

“Caroline!?” I yelled out. “Honey, the door was open” No response.

I though about jut grabbing my things and leaving, however, I began to feel bad about what had happened the night before and in the morning. I has acted like a jerk and she deserved an apology. I headed to the kitchen and pored two cups of an opened wife from 2 days ago. I closed the fridge and there standing was next door neighbor, Jack, wearing nothing buy my bath towel.

“David!!! What are you doing here?”

“This is my house, what the fuck are you doing here and why the hell do you have on my robe?” I gripped the bottle of wine.

“Listen David, I know how this might look, but I didnt sleep with her””

“What!”

“Listen calrm down Dave” I can explain

My body stopped and fell into a trance. I felt angry, deceived, lied, and betrayed. All of these thoughts overwhelmed me. I did not know what to think. I though about my daughter and her reaction if she found out that her mom had done such a thing. My body began to shiver. I was breathing hard now. I did not know what to think, nor did I know what to do. I was someone else.

I grabbed the bottle and slammed Jack with it on the head. His body fell to the floor but I grabbed is as if not to make a noice. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen table and rushed my blade through his chest. He screamed. I covered his mouth. Minutes after struggling he finally stopped moving. I wanted to do more. I tought of how I could en his suffering and make him pay for what he had done. I took the robe off him. He lay there naked. I took his manhood.

“Now what about my wife” I though. This was all her fault. She spread her legs open to him. I moved upstairs and I could heard the shower. With the knife in had I slowly opened the bathroom door. The mirror was fogged. Her clothes lay on the ground next to Jack’s.

“Hey. Come back in I’m getting lonely” she said as the water slowly dripped from her body. “How could she?” I thought. She deserves to die, here, quiet and slow. I opened the shower door and plunged the knife through her neck. The blood gushed everywhere. No screams, no panting, just blood…

“That’s enough!!!” yelled Caroline’s mom through the glass. I could barely hear her, but I knew it was her. I loved her mom and her mom adored me.

“Mr. Davis is there anything else you want to say?” said Officer Dan. I thought about my crime one more time and what had possed me to do it. I guess I could have never thought that my life wold end like this. I was a loving husband and a caring father. How could I have done that to my wife? how could any man do that to his own wife? What would happen to my daughter now?…

“Mr. Davis??”

But how could she do this to me? I was loyal to her for 21 years. I never cheated on her nor did I ever lift my hand to her. Why me? I am a hard worker. I worked hard to provide for my family. I was always there for her in anything she need. What if she had done it more than once?

“Mr. Davis??” said Officer Dan

Why? you know what? She did it. Its all her fault. That bitch deserved it. How could she? Am not oging to blame myself. It was all her fault. She deserved to die.

“Mr. Davis!!”

I looked at him in the eye.

“Do you have anything else to say?” he said with an assertive tone.

“Yes….Push the fucking button already..”