You take a deep breath and realize what just happened. You say to yourself that it can’t be and it won’t be. It has. For a moment, you think that its happening outside of you. Something that you have read or heard on televisions. But its not, its happening now and its happening to you.
You said to yourself that this time it would be different…it wasn’t. You promised that by allowing yourself the opportunity to be open, that it would happen…it did. You changed a bit of who you were and sacrificed your dreams/wants…did you? You then begin to wonder and feel as though your heart is closing onto itself and you ask yourself – “why?”, “why now?”,”really?”, “FUCK!”.
It is a rhetorical question as no answer can really satisfy.
You wonder if you did something wrong. You wonder if maybe you had been different. You explain to yourself that its not, but then again you are the common denominator.
Days pass by and you feel empty. You feel as though life is passing you by and your standing there…still.
You attempt to have flimsy sexual relationships, but they end up disappointing you. You realize that people want you for one thing and when they are done, they are done. You feel empty. Are your expectations to high? Maybe your just not ready..maybe you will never be. You hope you are.
You cry. You scream. You throw things. You cry some more. You smile and then cry some more. You smile-cry.
After the storm..you are calm..and you being to slowly accept…that one inevitable thing you hoped you’d though would pass…
You.are.alone