Category: thoughts

Yo soy un hombre sincero,
De donde crece la palma,
Y antes de morirme quiero,
Echar mis versos del alma.

Yo vengo de todas partes,
Y hacia todas partes voy:
Arte soy entre las artes,
En los montes, monte soy.

I found it on the subway platform today while waiting for the train.  It was scattered along all the other papers on the floor.  It was a note written on a paper napkin. It read:

” I’m sorry. I came by and you were not here. Please know that I love u. U do know right? ”

touché

It’s often when we least expect it that we are faced with dilemmas that are beyond our control. How we deal with these issues depends soly on the person, however one thing is certain – the dilemma.

On a otherwise slow night, while reading, I heard sound I had not heard in quite a while.  It came unexpected. The origin – my phone’s pre registered memory ring tones.  While I shuffled in my mind to put a name to the sound, it came to me.  A name, a sound, I had not heard from in a long time.  There it was, deeply stored in the corners of my mind’s memory.  It came to me – my ex’s phone number.

I let it ring for quite some time before the ringing finally stopped. I stood there looking at it, wondering, admiring and all the while thinking – “what the F$@!??”  It dawned on me then that while most of my relationships had ended in a good note, this was the only one that had not.  I picked up the phone and tried to dial back, but quickly hung up.  I dont know why I did or what I would have said if I had called.  Strange because it is often rare that I find myself in this situation.  But here I was, unwilling to dial a number.  Unwilling to have a conversation.  Unwilling to come to terms with someone.

Not yet, too soon.

As I surfed the net today, I stumbled across a friends facebook page whom I had not seen and/or herd for quite some time.  She was a friend from back home in Florida and someone whom I had grown very close to over the years.  She was the definition of what a “party girl” is.  Late nights drinking.  5 am stops at Dennys only to continue to the party at an after-hours club in south beach.   Her page, once filled with photos of drunken friends, nights out on the town, and images of her hugging a toilet, had now been replaced with pictures of her flashing a dimond ring and hugging what I could only assume to be her fiance.

While I searched the page looking for some traces of where my friend had gone, I started to wonder about compromises and identity.  From what I remember of my friend, she was the poster child of the song “Independent Women”.  She was charismatic, smart, sexy, and most importantly reminded every man that came her way, that she, as an “independent woman”, needed no man to complete her life.

I now wondered….did she?  Had she given up her sense of whom she is and/or was now that she was in a relationship?

It happens unexpectedly.  You found someone who you think is the person you have searched for all of your life, but then you start to feel as though you have no time to yourself.   Everyone desires to have a healthy relationship with that ideal mate. But why is it that when in a relationship you often find yourself…well loosing yourself?

Skeptics may argue that a relatinsihp is not about YOU, its about US, but when did “I” start becoming “WE”?   Are we really destined to loose our self-identity in order to find Love?  and most importantly, is there an insurance plan for such a kind of “identity theft?

Questions I ask, but have yet to find answers…

Life’s message does not need to be complicated, except for those who are not ready to see the truth. They are the ones who like their truth heavily veiled and masked, as their self-gratification is in the pursuit.

-Alanys

The sun broke through my window glass with no apologies.  It stared me in the face as to say “Wake up”.  A burst of energy entered my soul.  There were no lounging around.  No snooze button.  No zombie like walks.  I was awake and it was beautiful out.

I packed a sandwich, a bottle of water, my dog’s treat, and headed toward the door.  Everyone was outsize.  My dog pushed the hallway door as if he was walking me.

I walked everywhere and nowhere.  There was no direction and no destination.   My shadow behind me and fate carving my path and guiding my way.

I do not know beneath what sky nor on what seas shall be thy fate;
I only know it shall be high, I only know it shall be great.

— Richard Hovey

Hello, and welcome to your life’s story
Sit and watch your sorrow and glory
Take out your snacks, here comes the show
Movie title you ask?, I think you’ll know

It’s the movie that you’ve been dying to see
No pun intended now that you are here with me
Its starts out with a child in womb
And ends very sadly with body in tomb

Lets talk now, about the birds and the bees
Of the glamor and glitz your life must be
Is there a point to all this madness?
No more sorrow, no more sadness

You do not  want to be the character no more?
Are you not interested in whats  in store?
You think you’ve seen it all before?
Its the  same script just different characters
Who laugh and scream and sing and dance
Who offer you the truth, faith, and love’s romance

Your heart is weak with all emotions
Colliding side by side, so beautifully like oceans
Because you, my friend, have been through the motions
Trying many love potions
Too feel a small bit of  romance
Always taking that one leap of chance
But all the while, succumbing to mischievous trance

Here come the credits, so stay and watch
You’ll only get to see one pass

Dear Stranger,

I think I have seen you here before.  Coming my way or maybe your face is just familiar like all the others I have pasted.  Your clothes are dark just like mine. Was that you on the subway yesterday with your headset, bag, and hat so divine? I want to say hello but the words dont come to mouth.  Maybe youve noticed me too? The times i’ve looked, glanced, and stared.  Your voice sounds familiar even thought it the first time ive heard you speak.  Your accent sounds peculiar, stronger, and it lingers in my body, shattered, frozen, weak.

Its funny how I look back and your not there.  Somehow I feel, however, you been following me all this time.  Always one step behind.  Always one step ahead.

Awkward is how I feel.  Week and pained.  Nothing is what I feel, because nothing is what I have gained.