Category: thoughts

To give you more must be the reason why it all falls together…

In the dark I find myself lost in a fog
Looking through a mirror and I see no reflection
When the days have gone past and the nights have settled
My mind feels empty due to no recollections

When the days are as bright as the sun
I seem dark and upset; my clarity is missing
There is a wall in the way blocking my view
All the glimmer and lights right in front of me

Am not jaded, I swear…no really am not
But maybe that’s my mind speaking nonsense
Because its me who deep down I forgot
And my qualities remain tested
But my mind is not settled from this
I can’t seem to find the light that’s so bright
Oh man how I can see it, its almost there and so crisp
To start over again now and find stars in the mist

In the mist that transforms so blindly to fog
When the nights become darker and my pen writes no log
Of what’s happening inside me and I have no one but me
Lord I need you now, bring me clarity – let me see, let me see

Take me back to the moment when i left that night
To when you said goodbye without me knowing it
To when you let my life changed forever

Take me back to the moment while I sat in the breeze
With your humbleness you caressed me
As I ran wild in the streets, no worries – care free
Please take me back – am loosing my sight
But your far away now – no days no more nights

Am tranforming now but am refusing to do so
And your not even here to keep me in check
You let me go and I’m mad – I dont want this
I’m mad and i dont even know why
Cause it wasnt your fault – yes your right , not it wasn’t

Am loosing my ground because i feel am deserted
Without you my accomplishments seeemed unoticed
My problems seemed insipid, not important

I can’t see you now – am loosing whats left of me to be with you
A part of me is fading and all I want is you back
Take me back now i beg you….please
Whem my dignity and honor matter the most
I promise soon I’ll be home

It is 1:19 a.m. and I cant sleep. I look at my night table see my reading book, a glass of water, a candle about to die. My dog on my right sleeps soundly. I envy him – No worries. No problems. No expectations.

I got to wondering about expectations lately. Webster defines expectations as “a belief about (or mental picture of) the future” but we cant predict the futre, so what is the point of having these so called expectations? But is it something that we cant help to have? Are we programmed to have expectations? …..

When you go to an upscale restaurant, you “expect” to get great service, great food, and a great overall experience. You expect the food to be delicious and your waiter to be the best in town. What happens when this is not the case? Feelings of anger, disappointment, and/or sadness consume you. Without choice you give in to these feelings because of your expectations. Do these feelings also apply to personal relationships?

Have you ever met someone, friend or lover, and without you knowing it have created in your mind some kind of expectation from them? You expect them to be nice. To be honest. To be that one “perfect” person you have always envision. Now what happens when they dont live up to those expectations? Do you cast them out? Do you accept them for who they are? Or do you simply let down your expectation?

As time pases I have learned to not hold any expectations from things, places, and/or people. However, a recent experience has shown me that sometimes my will is not as strong. I created an expectation for someone that I didnt really want to, but had no idea it was there. It was revealed to me only after the person did something i never expected. I was not mad because it was partly my fault for having the expectation to begin with. But i didnt want to have it.

I often wonder if these so called “expectations” are subcautious. Can you have expectations even though you dont want them?

I’m not looking for beef, so dont start none
Cuz am willing to park right in front and just spark one
And I aint talkin about the reefah…cause i dont want some
And I ‘ll make it from MIami to New York, without getting caught once

There is no need to get dirty
Cause am from down south, the dirty dirty, ya heard me
And you;ll need to step up your game up for surely
Cuz ain’t nothing like this Cuban, and all ya’ll doing it poorly

So am gonna try and bring this poetry back
Cause your rhyme and your words – well, they’re just wack

But you dont know me – so I’ll act like I do till I get to the fame
And like a dentist, snatch your crown right out of your frame
Cause its hard to have my equilibrium maintained

I dont want not problems, am just trying to take my place in history
Metaphorically and/or physically
Am “killing it” quickly, strictly
With the sound of my words – just swiftly
You might think your slick, but am just too shifty

I ll shift my attention and stay hot like a furnace
Can you handle the heat while i burn this?
And its my turn now man, so shit…let me earn this

But in the end am not scared – I stay vile like smoke & pollution
Although half of my actions were made due to no other solution
Lord forgive me in my quest to gain retribution
So i’ll leave it at that and you can draw your conclusion

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5b0humG6Gss]

Sometimes the ends dont justify the means….letting go is hard.

Que es lo que seria si aunque no te tengo
Que es lo que sentiria, aunque no lo pretendo
Con tus besos y mirada, que sera lo que siento
Excitame con tus dulces cariños, ahora y por todo tiempo

Do you ever wonder what it felt like to just go back…back to when things didnt really seem to have much gravity? When all your worries didnt seem to be that big and clarity is all you had.

To a moment in time where problems, worries, arguments, discussions, politics, bullshit…just simply left out on a whim. I need clarity now and only hope to find it soon.

Recently i have had to let go of something (someone) that hurt me the most. Have you ever had to let go of something you knew deep down you didnt want to,, but also knew that if present would hurt you even more? Why is it that that things that we love and care for the most…….hurt?

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.