Leaping forward

I could feel my blood boiling when I picked up the phone.  My subconscious reminding me wether this was the right decision.  How would I pay for my rent?  What about my family?  Fuck it, just do it.  I called my boss who was visiting her family in Michigan…

“Hey…[enter small talk here] ….so anyways…I just wanted to let you know that Friday will be my last day”

“What!!!!???” said my boss.

“Yep…I am leaving the company”

It all started during my four year performance review.  I informed my boss that I had been underpaid for the past 2 years and my expenses were beginning to rise.  I could no longer afford to live where I was and help my family with my current salary.  I also informed her that while my job responsibilities has dramatically increased, my pay surely had not.

She informed me that the company would be reviewing my request and that they would get back to me.  I soon began looking for another job.  While I did receive 2 offers, I was still patient in waiting for my current employer to come back with an answer.   I wanted to continue working there, but also needed the raised.

A week after my request, my boss called me into her office.  She explained the situation about the company, but the message was clear…a simple, yet firm…NO.  I immediately called one of the offers only to find out that they had given then job to someone else.  FUCK!     I immediately emailed back the second offer and waited.  I waited and waited.  Finally I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I decided I would just leave my current employer.

Its funny to think about it now when my friend asked me why I would quit before having another job.  To be quite honest, I am not really sure.  I guess i was a bit upset that my current employer would sit on something like this for so long.  Maybe it was pride.  Maybe it was stupidity.  Or maybe..it was fate.

I am still a bit fuzzy as to what happened after breaking the news to my boss but I know that I had to answer a whole deal of questions as to why I was leaving.  She was not happy.  She was also not happy that I was giving them a week and a half notice after being there.  The first in my company to do so.

I walked back to my desk and put my head down.  While my first reaction would have been – ” How could you leave without having another job!!! You fuck!!. ”  I instead let out a heavy exhale.  It felt good.  Somehow I was not scared.  I felt liberated.  Scared but at the same time excited as to what was to come next.   A wave of emotion came over me as I opened my email to find in my inbox the offer letter from the second employer!

If you ask me now how and why it all happened, I could not tell you.  I am still trying to figure it out myself.  I guess its kinda like a friend of mine said – “…sometimes you have to leap forward with your eyes closed in the hopes that you will eventually find your footing and open your eyes to see a brighter future…”

Preach brother, preach.