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As I surfed the net today, I stumbled across a friends facebook page whom I had not seen and/or herd for quite some time.  She was a friend from back home in Florida and someone whom I had grown very close to over the years.  She was the definition of what a “party girl” is.  Late nights drinking.  5 am stops at Dennys only to continue to the party at an after-hours club in south beach.   Her page, once filled with photos of drunken friends, nights out on the town, and images of her hugging a toilet, had now been replaced with pictures of her flashing a dimond ring and hugging what I could only assume to be her fiance.

While I searched the page looking for some traces of where my friend had gone, I started to wonder about compromises and identity.  From what I remember of my friend, she was the poster child of the song “Independent Women”.  She was charismatic, smart, sexy, and most importantly reminded every man that came her way, that she, as an “independent woman”, needed no man to complete her life.

I now wondered….did she?  Had she given up her sense of whom she is and/or was now that she was in a relationship?

It happens unexpectedly.  You found someone who you think is the person you have searched for all of your life, but then you start to feel as though you have no time to yourself.   Everyone desires to have a healthy relationship with that ideal mate. But why is it that when in a relationship you often find yourself…well loosing yourself?

Skeptics may argue that a relatinsihp is not about YOU, its about US, but when did “I” start becoming “WE”?   Are we really destined to loose our self-identity in order to find Love?  and most importantly, is there an insurance plan for such a kind of “identity theft?

Questions I ask, but have yet to find answers…

Life’s message does not need to be complicated, except for those who are not ready to see the truth. They are the ones who like their truth heavily veiled and masked, as their self-gratification is in the pursuit.

-Alanys

The sun broke through my window glass with no apologies.  It stared me in the face as to say “Wake up”.  A burst of energy entered my soul.  There were no lounging around.  No snooze button.  No zombie like walks.  I was awake and it was beautiful out.

I packed a sandwich, a bottle of water, my dog’s treat, and headed toward the door.  Everyone was outsize.  My dog pushed the hallway door as if he was walking me.

I walked everywhere and nowhere.  There was no direction and no destination.   My shadow behind me and fate carving my path and guiding my way.

I do not know beneath what sky nor on what seas shall be thy fate;
I only know it shall be high, I only know it shall be great.

— Richard Hovey

Hello, and welcome to your life’s story
Sit and watch your sorrow and glory
Take out your snacks, here comes the show
Movie title you ask?, I think you’ll know

It’s the movie that you’ve been dying to see
No pun intended now that you are here with me
Its starts out with a child in womb
And ends very sadly with body in tomb

Lets talk now, about the birds and the bees
Of the glamor and glitz your life must be
Is there a point to all this madness?
No more sorrow, no more sadness

You do not  want to be the character no more?
Are you not interested in whats  in store?
You think you’ve seen it all before?
Its the  same script just different characters
Who laugh and scream and sing and dance
Who offer you the truth, faith, and love’s romance

Your heart is weak with all emotions
Colliding side by side, so beautifully like oceans
Because you, my friend, have been through the motions
Trying many love potions
Too feel a small bit of  romance
Always taking that one leap of chance
But all the while, succumbing to mischievous trance

Here come the credits, so stay and watch
You’ll only get to see one pass

Dear Stranger,

I think I have seen you here before.  Coming my way or maybe your face is just familiar like all the others I have pasted.  Your clothes are dark just like mine. Was that you on the subway yesterday with your headset, bag, and hat so divine? I want to say hello but the words dont come to mouth.  Maybe youve noticed me too? The times i’ve looked, glanced, and stared.  Your voice sounds familiar even thought it the first time ive heard you speak.  Your accent sounds peculiar, stronger, and it lingers in my body, shattered, frozen, weak.

Its funny how I look back and your not there.  Somehow I feel, however, you been following me all this time.  Always one step behind.  Always one step ahead.

Awkward is how I feel.  Week and pained.  Nothing is what I feel, because nothing is what I have gained.

He has found it.  The perfect person that he could see spending the rest of his life with.  Everything was there.  The education, the laughter, the lust, the passion, the sex, and the ever powering – “commitment”.  He often wondered why such a thing had never appeared to him before?  Why such a thing took millions and millions of lifetimes to manifest itself?

Outstanding he was when he realized he was not dreaming, but awake.  Awake to ponder and think of all the things he had thought about while dreaming.  And while the search had been over, he was now faced with the question of wether or not such a thing could be….real? Was such thing really what he was searching for?  And if this illusion was to be so, why not lie to oneself and bast in the feeling of it all?

His mind would not allow him to answer his own questions, because it was his mind that created the question in the first place.  And so, he sought out help.

He asked those around about the manifestation, but none could see what he was talking about.  One fellow came to him and raised a mirror.

His questions answered.

“You must, therefore know that there are two means of fighting: one according to the laws, the other with force; the first way is proper to man, the second to beasts; but because the first, in many cases, is not sufficient, it becomes necessary to have recourse to the second.”   -Machiavelli