speak

Yo listen up…..yes you?

That’s right you. I am talking to you.
Your going to listen to what I have to say
Though you might now want to
Sit down, shut up,  and open your ears
Lets me tell you want you NEED to hear

You may not want to, but this time its me
Have you no respect for what’s happening here
I need to speak, but feel that I am bounded
Bounded to your lies, charm, and free will
But that’s right its not about you this time
Its about me, yeah that’s right ME.

So NO, save your reply – I will not listen anymore
Your “truth” I can’t decipher
Listen to me this time and I’ll raise my volume higher
I will not repeat it once or twice – because your going to listen
Listen now and don’t speak back a word
Your lies and replies – save them, they are not needed
To the truth that I am speaking to you now

Yes now not tomorrow, so I hope your getting the message
Uh what?  Yes that’s right the message
If you don’t understand well to bad and so tough
Hey now, don’t worry, you’ll comprehend soon enough

planets align

Have you ever woken up and instantly feel like its a start of something new? A breath of fresh air?  Those mornings where you feel a sense of agility and your eyes open wide, glimmering before your alarm can go off?  Today was my day.

As I walked out today my body felt a shiver.  A shiver I had not felt in a long time.  Every morning as I walk out the door there is this older Spanish lady sitting on the stop of my building.  I often wonder what her story must be.  Why is she always there?  EVERY MORNING. Is she waiting for the mailman?  Soaking in the sun?  Or simply just sitting?

Every morning we look at each other but never say a word.  This partly due to the fact that I am half asleep and/or my mp3 is glued to my ear as my door closes behind me.  Today however I smiled and gave her a very fine-assertive, “Buenos dias senora.”  She looked surprised but did not respond.  Her face stunned.  I payed it no mind but looked back as I crossed the street and noticed a small smirk on her face.  Priceless.

The subway platform seemed to be empty when I arrived and oddly enough so where the subway cars.  Now I usually have to fight through viejas, baby carriages, people stumbling from the night before, bums, and the nasty -“I buy my coffee at bodegas because they dont have starbucks in the Bronx AND I don’t live in Manhattan ABD have to wake up an extra early AND deal with this kind of bullshit” – green line riding young professionals.  Today however, there were only 4 people in my cart. FOUR!  I smiled.

My subway ride seemed uneventful until on 106th street stop I noticed this young sexy little caramel chocolate yummy thing get on with the most amazing lips I have seen in a long time.  We immediately stared at each other.  I smiled some more.  I couldn’t help to feel the gaze upon me and so I returned the gesture.   We locked eyes and didn’t say a word – we just stared.  Maybe it was a game?  But for a good minute or so we locked dead on.  I must admit I ended up loosing – my gaze was broken by a mischievous smirk.   This flirtatious behavior continued all the way to 51st where she got off.   I smiled again.

Through the past few weeks there seems to have been some clouds above me due to family, work, and personal issues, but today I felt none of those things.  It’s true what they say: “you must first go through darkness in order to find the light”.

I can feel my energy back again and the sky looks bluer today than it did yesterday.  I can see the clouds no more.

give me clarity

In the dark I find myself lost in a fog
Looking through a mirror and I see no reflection
When the days have gone past and the nights have settled
My mind feels empty due to no recollections

When the days are as bright as the sun
I seem dark and upset; my clarity is missing
There is a wall in the way blocking my view
All the glimmer and lights right in front of me

Am not jaded, I swear…no really am not
But maybe that’s my mind speaking nonsense
Because its me who deep down I forgot
And my qualities remain tested
But my mind is not settled from this
I can’t seem to find the light that’s so bright
Oh man how I can see it, its almost there and so crisp
To start over again now and find stars in the mist

In the mist that transforms so blindly to fog
When the nights become darker and my pen writes no log
Of what’s happening inside me and I have no one but me
Lord I need you now, bring me clarity – let me see, let me see

Humble

Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.

~William Temple

Take me back

Take me back to the moment when i left that night
To when you said goodbye without me knowing it
To when you let my life changed forever

Take me back to the moment while I sat in the breeze
With your humbleness you caressed me
As I ran wild in the streets, no worries – care free
Please take me back – am loosing my sight
But your far away now – no days no more nights

Am tranforming now but am refusing to do so
And your not even here to keep me in check
You let me go and I’m mad – I dont want this
I’m mad and i dont even know why
Cause it wasnt your fault – yes your right , not it wasn’t

Am loosing my ground because i feel am deserted
Without you my accomplishments seeemed unoticed
My problems seemed insipid, not important

I can’t see you now – am loosing whats left of me to be with you
A part of me is fading and all I want is you back
Take me back now i beg you….please
Whem my dignity and honor matter the most
I promise soon I’ll be home

what do you expect?

It is 1:19 a.m. and I cant sleep. I look at my night table see my reading book, a glass of water, a candle about to die. My dog on my right sleeps soundly. I envy him – No worries. No problems. No expectations.

I got to wondering about expectations lately. Webster defines expectations as “a belief about (or mental picture of) the future” but we cant predict the futre, so what is the point of having these so called expectations? But is it something that we cant help to have? Are we programmed to have expectations? …..

When you go to an upscale restaurant, you “expect” to get great service, great food, and a great overall experience. You expect the food to be delicious and your waiter to be the best in town. What happens when this is not the case? Feelings of anger, disappointment, and/or sadness consume you. Without choice you give in to these feelings because of your expectations. Do these feelings also apply to personal relationships?

Have you ever met someone, friend or lover, and without you knowing it have created in your mind some kind of expectation from them? You expect them to be nice. To be honest. To be that one “perfect” person you have always envision. Now what happens when they dont live up to those expectations? Do you cast them out? Do you accept them for who they are? Or do you simply let down your expectation?

As time pases I have learned to not hold any expectations from things, places, and/or people. However, a recent experience has shown me that sometimes my will is not as strong. I created an expectation for someone that I didnt really want to, but had no idea it was there. It was revealed to me only after the person did something i never expected. I was not mad because it was partly my fault for having the expectation to begin with. But i didnt want to have it.

I often wonder if these so called “expectations” are subcautious. Can you have expectations even though you dont want them?

ask me – part 1

(Warning: Grammar inconsistency)

Ask me then the question – what is it to ask me when, but not how. Ask me how I belong & who I belong to. What is it not the question that needs to be asked.

Then if you do not ask me that question, ask me another. Where am I from? Who do I belong to? What are my habits? If you do not want to know then ask me again. The second time relinquish what you know & dream of how to do it. For not only are you & I equally the same, but we linger into what is knows being different. Converse then as to never know where it to end or to grasp what today is known to converse. As for me, ask me, but don’t judge me. Judge not only on my past but also on what I know it to be.

To linger to one is not only what drives innovation but what causes these thoughts of everyday denial. Who write these thoughts? Ask me again then what is it I belong to. I have given up hope from the changes of the past, but only look to preserve of something real. Real is not then always what real is. Define it then of what is the opportunity of it all. What then is it? What jumps out of you and if so then ask the question. What do we have in common? Do for you what you may and for others just like you. Know the person and ask them any question and you might hear your perfect answer.

But contradict yourself & ask what is the right answer. Is it something square or something different? Give me the opportunity to challenge you in your opinion & then ask me whom I belong to. Why the why is it that your reputation supersedes you?

Who then is likely to ask all of your questions? Reassure your doubts and don’t bring it this way. The poison of your insecurities is not welcomed here. Deal with it to all, as it lingers and lingers as much as it should. Should it be then that the time to ask then becomes what you want it to. Do you believe in it all or dwell on the fact that its given to someone else. Ask me then what am I doing now. To ask is not only to tell but also to assume it also deceiving. Deceiving to the fact what you do is not irrelevant to me or to you. Your persuasion is not wanted here. Admire your defeat and your self hatred.

Ask me then if I write just writing. I write until my ink is out. What do they say when you ask your permission or should I have just assumed. Do I require your attention yet your approval?

The simplest of all questions is never asked. No one can say what is the simplest though, but a question will do all the same. Tell me why your poison my mind with all the incoherent and indifferent opinion of those dark endless nights. Shall I say it….no I wont.

Ask me why then, but then ask why you are asking all these assumptive questions.

Not looking for trouble

I’m not looking for beef, so dont start none
Cuz am willing to park right in front and just spark one
And I aint talkin about the reefah…cause i dont want some
And I ‘ll make it from MIami to New York, without getting caught once

There is no need to get dirty
Cause am from down south, the dirty dirty, ya heard me
And you;ll need to step up your game up for surely
Cuz ain’t nothing like this Cuban, and all ya’ll doing it poorly

So am gonna try and bring this poetry back
Cause your rhyme and your words – well, they’re just wack

But you dont know me – so I’ll act like I do till I get to the fame
And like a dentist, snatch your crown right out of your frame
Cause its hard to have my equilibrium maintained

I dont want not problems, am just trying to take my place in history
Metaphorically and/or physically
Am “killing it” quickly, strictly
With the sound of my words – just swiftly
You might think your slick, but am just too shifty

I ll shift my attention and stay hot like a furnace
Can you handle the heat while i burn this?
And its my turn now man, so shit…let me earn this

But in the end am not scared – I stay vile like smoke & pollution
Although half of my actions were made due to no other solution
Lord forgive me in my quest to gain retribution
So i’ll leave it at that and you can draw your conclusion